For most people, their sexual lives and choices are manageable.  But for some of us, what started out as exploration, love or a means to feel better turned out to be something that began to control us.  We found ourselves in situations where it felt as if we could no longer control our choices.  Consider some of these questions to see if sex has moved from being a healthy part of your life to a destructive obsession:

• Do you go from one relationship to another?

• Do you feel the right relationship would fulfill all your needs?

• Do you use sex as an escape?

• Do you make excuses to leave your partner as soon as possible after the act?

• After a sexual experience do you feel guilty?

• Has your pursuit of sex interfered with your relationship with your spouse?

• Do you find you are unable to resist a sexual overture?

• Have you ever sought out help to change your sexual behavior or thinking? Have you ever wanted to?

• Have you ever tried to limit or stop acting out but been unable to?

• Do you put yourself or others in dangerous situations in pursuit of sex?

• Have you found that you are unable to resist sex or sexual images?

• Do you have trouble concentrating or completing tasks at work because you are always thinking about sex?

• Do you spend time on the internet viewing pornographic websites?

• Do you you find yourself obsessively trying to find the "best picture" to end with?

• Do you take time away from work to pursue sexual activities?

• Do you feel you have lost control of your actions to the need of sex?

• Have you every pursued adult venues or services when away from home alone?

• Do you instinctively spot and remember the location of adult venues when driving with friends or family and secretly begin to plan to return?

• Do you feel you have lost control of your actions to the need of sex?

• Have you ever been arrested for a sex offense?

• Do find yourself drawn to fantasy about co-workers and other acquaintances planning what it would be like to be in an intimate relationship with them?

What is your score?

There is no "right number" that says you are a sex addict.  However if several of these questions ring true, you might consider exploring this area of recovery. 

For many of us, we pursued sex as a means to feel better but then found that it controlled us.  Some of us have gone places we swore we would never go.  We tended to minimize the severity of our actions but found ourselves in a place of secrecy, depression and self-loathing.

We found that it is difficult to get help because of the feelings of shame and the concern that those we may talk to would reject us or think of us as bad people.  We knew that our problem was more than just moral choices because it felt as if in many instances we did not have a choice at all.  We discovered that the only way to to be free was to reach out and talk to someone who understands - bringing our secret out of the shadows and into the light of honesty in a safe environment.

In our groups we found people who have been to the same place where we have been.  Nothing surprised them as their addictions have also taken them to places they swore they would never go.  We found talking with others who struggle with the same things was the first step towards healing.  We discovered that we weren't alone.  In working the steps, we discovered that our issues had little to do with sex at all but our inability to live life on life's terms.  In working our program with others, we learned how to live in such a way that our obsessions began to leave and our life became manageable.

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To talk to someone about sexual addiction, e-mail confidentially to sa@CelebrateRecoveryBoone.com